Learning by Argument: More thoughts on raising a freethinker

I read an article earlier this week called "No Debate: Kids Can Learn By Arguing". It was a good read and I have some thoughts of it from a few different points of view; first as that of a parent of a mini-debater named Matrim and second from that of a kid who loved to debate. First though, some information from the article, where a teacher takes kids who have never been introduced to debating and puts them into twice-a-week philosophy courses with 4 yearly debates, teaching the kids about how to gather evidence and support their claims.

At first, as each new topic was introduced, the researchers were startled: the youngsters were clueless about complexity. (“Prisoners, not animals, should be used in medical research because prisoners are guilty and animals are innocent!”) And early in the experiment, the kids showed no interest in the written questions and answers offered by their coaches. By the end of year two, though, they had developed a thirst for evidence.

This is great, because it's exactly the kind of thinking I can see Mat doing. I mean, it's black and white, right? If someone is in jail, they are guilty, if they are guilty they are bad, if they are bad then they should be subject to whatever we want to do to them. And when exactly would that world-view get challenged? Quite possibly not until he's old enough that it would be very difficult to change his mind. Next, another group of kids took the same classes but using a traditional textbook and writing a lot more essays, with no debating. Then the children all had a final essay. The results were surprising (to me):

Hands down, the winners were the students in the experimental group — even though they’d had much less practice writing. By the end of year one, researchers found, two-thirds of the students in that group were considering and addressing opposing arguments in their written essays—a skill demonstrated by only 38 percent of the students in the comparison group. By the end of the third year, nearly 80 percent of the students in the experimental group were writing essays that identified and weighed opposing views in an argument. Less than 30 percent of the students in the comparison group were doing so.

This is one aspect of essay writing I was always praised for in school. I always, always, always tried to think of good arguments against what I was writing for and include them in my paper. I'm not even sure where I got the practice from, but it served me well. Even on things I thought I had a strong opinion on, just taking that small step and realizing, "Wait, people disagree with this and the reasons actually make sense..." was enough to make me reevaluate my own stance. Sometimes I would change my own mind, sometimes my belief would be even stronger. What mattered, though, was that I wasn't just relying on an answer from authority and saying 'So there!'. I wonder if I do that too much with Mat though - he will ask a question and, depending on my mood, I will say "Let's go look it up!" or just say "This is the answer and that's how it is, stop asking questions about it!".

If we don't encourage our kids to challenge their world-views, if we don't challenge our own even as adults, then we are doing a disservice to them and ourselves. I want to help Mat have empathy, to think of other people and how they view situations. I want Mat to stop and think about opposing viewpoints when he's challenged on something rather than getting defensive and taking a dogmatic stance. Debate is an excellent way to do this, but it's not something you often find at schools these days.

At Camp Quest last year, the first year I volunteered, I had the pleasure of watching one of the activities which was a debate about all sorts of different topics (depending on age group). It was refreshing to see the way that the kids would take the topics, some of which are near and dear, and attempt to objectively view them. And you could see the pride and pleasure when they took the time to consider opposing arguments and, in a few cases, handily disarm them.

I plan on trying to engage Mat in more open-ended conversations and discussions. If there's a black and white answer (How long does it take light from the Sun to reach our planet?) I can give it to him and we can talk about how they know that, like normal, but if it's another question, (Why do they kill animals at shelters? [he asked me that a week or two ago and I brushed it off, not wanting to get into that with him since he loves animals so much]) why not encourage him to think about it from multiple angles and let him know that many people have different opinions on it and that's okay, and it's okay to form his own? We tell him he can all the time, but we don't actually actively help him do so.

I would say I'll report back in a week and let you know how it goes, but let's be realistic? Maybe I'll mention it in another post one day though!

Scrapbooking the geek way

So in being a true geek mom, I love my tech.  I have an Android phone, a work laptop, a gaming desktop, a personal net book, my own 360 (yes Scott has his own too)...I do not however like to do the whole make things yourself stuff.  I suppose I can elaborate on the 'stuff' definition.  I do not do photo album creation, scrapbooks, or the arts and craft type things.  I just don't have the patience it takes to cut out the cute little pictures and make a book or to follow through with those types of projects.  It's not that I don't want to do something like that, I just always have things I'd rather be doing.  (Like playing video games.)  With that said, I read a recent editorial that made me not feel as bad!  (Yes, I am one of those that late at night I'll lay there and think...did I really spend 3 hours doing nothing but playing a video game...I could have done something else, like learn underwater basket weaving or making a scrapbook!)

After reading the article I realized, I DO scrapbook.  It just happens to be tech style.  So thank you Facebook for proving me a geek way to scrapbook for my kids and my family AND a place to stay in touch with all my friends, family, and acquaintances.

Creation in the eyes of a 6 year old

Scott and I recently bought an excellent book of creation myths.  This book covers myths from around the world.  Asian, European, Native American myths are within the book, along with the Christianity.  In this book, all are equal.  (For other freethinking parents, this is a fantastic book for introducing creation stories.)
This was a resource that was shared to us by Dale McGowan when we were in attendance at Reason Rally.  I have to admit, I enjoy the book very much and it is fantastic to read with children who are hungry for creation stories.  We have found that our oldest son loves the stories and finds them very interesting.

This book has allowed Mat to see how people from all around the world and from different eras believed the world was created.  When we ask Mat, he doesn't know what he believes.  That thought is perfectly fine.  We like that he is able to admit that he just doesn't know.  He is very curious and wants to learn more and then make his decision.  (Yay, so we're doing something right!)  That aside, Mat did a curious thing.  Mat created his very own creation story.  He was very elaborate in his telling of the story, hand gestures and all.

In Mat's words:
"It's called the seven evolutions.  This is how it starts.  One day, just seven evolutions were made.  And then the first one, it was life, second wind and lightning, third was the brain (the brain is the smartest), the fourth was the colorer (he colors the stuff in), the fifth one is water, the sixth is the season, the last was death.  First the brain created the world.  Then life made it all come to life.  Then the colorer colored it in.  Then death made the death, like he makes things die.  So death is a good guy, he makes things die when they are suppost to die.  He takes them to the land of death.  The land of death is a good place, but you are not a person, you fly around and have some fun.  The water made the sea and the rain.  Then the wind and lightning made storms by combining together.  Seasons made winter, fall, summer and spring.

One day a new evolution was born.  It was called the season changer.  It was the eighth evolution.  He put the seasons in order.  He made the seasons what they are today.

So that's how the world was made, according to me."

When Good Discussions Go Bad

So ever have a really amazing discussion happening?  Every person involved keeps it respectful, and says 'what if' and never points to a specific person, or entity.  The discussion is kept general enough and focused enough that despite being a sensitive topic, no one feels persecuted or picked on or offended.  Then someone goes on a complete derailing rampage not really related to the topic at hand.

Ever had that happen?  Yea, it sucks.

I could not have been more proud

Last week I read an article discussing a study how kids view race. After reading this Scott and I of course naturally wondered what Mat would do or say in a test such as that.  This discussion was in the car ride home one day.  Well naturally we talked about things and forgot about it til today.

Today we pick up Mat from his Nana's house.  We got in the car and were driving home.  We were talking about how people all over the world are different colors and from different cultures.  This topic then lead to us discussing how people are treated because of the color of their skin or the culture in which they were raised.  He then turns to Scott, and says, 'Always remember!  It doesn't matter what's on the outside, it matters what's in the inside.  Mommy, Daddy, always remember that.'  Then he goes into this big lengthy discussion about how if one person isn't a pretty or well dressed they could still be very nice and interesting.  He discussed in such a way that was so matter of fact, that it made me proud.  He just could not fathom why people would be mean to someone because they look or act different.

If only all of us could learn from the six year old with the toothless grin...

“To lie or not to lie to my child” A thought about raising Freethinkers.

With the Easter Bunny stories hopping about in schools currently, I started thinking…what do Scott and I do about this?  “This” being reinforcing that stories are true, that we know are not true. 

A brief story:

Before I…gave into my rational side, Scott and I did the whole Santa and Easter Bunny thing.  We wanted Mat to believe in the stories.  We did bells on the rooftop, we did Easter baskets on the floor, we ate the cookies meant for Santa, we left eggs throughout the yard…Then Mat came to us and said, ‘But Mommy, you said magic isn’t real and monsters aren’t real…so that means the tooth fairy and Santa aren’t real either because they’re magic.’  He was 3, almost 4.  We were crushed.  A 3 year old just rationalized out that those characters were not real.  Scott and I gave in and admitted that he was correct.  We had outside pressures telling us to not do that, to do MORE to keep him believing, to convince him otherwise.  We couldn’t do it.  To this day, if he asks us, we tell him the truth.  That said, to this day he wavers from time to time in what believes.  I feel the wavering is natural.  It could be peer pressure, or his little mind rationalizing everything he's been told.  Most of the time, he believes they are not real.  If he says they are real, we choose not to tell him no.  We ask him why he thinks that way, and we respect those thoughts.  We do not tell him he was wrong, but instead nod and ask him to think about it.  Sometimes he does, other times he runs off to play.

With Tempe, we will not do the bells, we will not do the cookies…this is a decision Scott and I have made.  Personally, we feel that we should not lie to our children to make them believe in a story.  People may think that our children will miss out on the joys of having an ‘Easter Bunny’ visit their house.  To that I say that those parents will miss out on the joy and love your children give YOU when you present them those gifts.  Also, why should we enhance life with false beliefs when there is so much to life as it is?  I love the story behind these fictional characters, and feel that children need to learn to give to others.  But to me, there are so many other ways for children to learn to give, than to toss them a story of an imaginary character in which you force them to believe.  Stories regarding moral principles are just stories.  Actions real people take are those that make a legacy.  So on Christmas, we will read of Santa and tell them of the Christmas beliefs around the world.  We will exchange gifts…but those gifts will be from us to each other.  We will do this with our children, and hope that when they get married they find their own way to celebrate their life with their loved ones in a way that is special to them.     

"We're going to Grandma's for Easter Sunday, what are you doing!?" More Challenges in Raising Freethinkers

So this upcoming Sunday happens to be Easter Sunday for most religious folks.  For the Grant household...it is just another day.  Or is it?  Scott and I realized that this holiday will be celebrated by not just Mat's grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, but by most of the people at his school.  So Easter bunny this, and Passover that...how do we as his parents get the idea within him, that those are some of many things that occur around this date?  Along with the idea, that he does not have to participate in those ideas or beliefs if he does not want to do so.  (Though he will, because what kid doesn't like the idea of a big bunny.)  Enter a conversation that Scott and I had with other parents at Reason Rally about creationism stories. 

Essentially the conversation revolved around introducing several ideas together, not leaning on one primary focus.  So when introducing creation stories, introduce several culture's beliefs at the same time.  This approach will be the one we take this Sunday.  My mother wished for 'her little family' (as she calls us) to get together.  This is more than fine, but it is also of the habit to get together at Easter.  So we informed her, that we do not wish to call the get together an 'Easter Celebration', but would prefer to call it a family gathering. 

At the gathering, I know my mom (who is religious, but respects how we are raising Mat and Tempe) would probably appreciate a nod to her beliefs.  What we will attempt to do is to explain various cultures beliefs of 'Easter' around the world.  We will explain Easter from the Christian sense, and how it is celebrating the resurrection of Christ, along with the Jewish Passover.  We will mention that the word, Easter, has Anglo-Saxon paganism roots referring to a goddess.  She was goddess of the dawn, and those worshiping her held feasts in her honor during the month of April. We'll discuss the Western theme of the Easter Bunny and egg decoration, that the egg is widely used as a symbol of the start of new life, just as new life emerges from an egg.  There are several other cultural events that occur around this time of year, so we will probably pick a few more as well to discuss over lunch/dinner.    

They (my mom and sister) wish to give Mat and Tempe gifts (as the standard basket and bunny celebration happens.)  I asked that they don't say the 'Easter bunny' got them, but instead say they wanted to give them something.  (This to me means so much more than receiving gifts from a fictional character.)  My mom is taking this opportunity to be creative in how she presents them gifts, and will be requiring the kids to complete a 'treasure hunt' for location of the gifts.  I thought that was a great idea!  She'll give them clues that they have to rationalize and figure out in order to obtain their gift.  

Again to us, we just want Mat and Tempe to make a choice as to what he believes.  We don't want to deprive either one of them of anything.   

Reason Rally Recap

It’s been a little over a week since the Reason Rally ended and we got home. It was pretty phenomenal – everything about it! The Cthulhu-crazed protestor (ok, mock protestor, but still!), the real protestors: WBC (flanked by guards), preachers in boxes spouting Bible verses and a small group of sign-wielding protestors near the stage was cool to see since I’ve ever actually been a part of something that got protested against! The speakers were excellent, the crowd was huge despite the drizzle, I got to hang out with my awesome Camp Quest friends AND I was there with the coolest chick in the world, my wife!

I loved listening to Adam Savage speak. He’s not someone that’s automatically associated with atheism like Dawkins or even Minchin is, and he’s mainstream enough that he’s recognizable to a huge portion of people across the US (and world). He was also so well-spoken – he got his point across that he doesn’t believe in a god or magic or the supernatural, but he also stressed the point that what we all need to do is just love each other. I don’t know why the religious have a problem with that, but many do.

As fun as that was, it didn’t compare to the Camp Quest tent. Jen and I had volunteered for setup and a 2-hour shift, but ended up staying in the tent for the vast majority of the day on Saturday. It was our base of operations and we tried to help fill in wherever we could. Lots of kids came through and some of them were incredibly impressive. I ran the games table, Jen ran the science table, and there was a 10 year old boy who came through and played with the Ooblek. Someone asked him what it was and he responded “It’s a non-Newtonian fluid that displays properties of liquids and solids depending on the force applied”. I just wanted to stare at him. Badass.

Even better than that was the chance that Jen and I had to sit in a small group of people and chat with Dale McGowan, author of Parenting Beyond Belief. Between his advice and stories and listening to the situations of the other parents in the group, some of whose concerns mirrored mine and Jen’s, was simply amazing. Many of our atheist and skeptic friends don’t have kids yet, so being involved with Camp Quest and especially this small group for the small part of the day, was enlightening. We came away with recommendations on books, an understanding of how good we have it in many ways and some great ideas on how to introduce religion to Mat without biasing him one way or the other. One thing we plan on doing is using a book called ‘In the Beginning’. It’s a collection of creation myths from dozens of cultures around the world, with Christianity included in the middle. It’s a good way to show Mat all of the stories that exist, all of the beliefs and cultures that have grown around our origins and let him begin to form his own opinions and thoughts on it. We’re going to do the same for some holidays – let him learn about how different cultures celebrate the same holidays, for instance. This, plus the 3-questions game at night, should be fun.

This weekend, while Jen had her session for her awesome tattoo, I went to a Reason Rally recap and panel discussion with the Humanist Community of Central Ohio (HCCO). We heard from a few attendees of Reason Rally, including one of the kids who came through the Camp Quest tent. I got to hear from JT Eberhard on his input and thoughts on the secular movement in general, on Reason Rally and more, which was enlightening. He’s a firebrand, but he needs to be.

Finally, we went out to dinner with a few members of HCCO/Camp Quest/Secular Student Alliance and ate amazing Indian food and had some amazing conversation. I wish we didn’t have to drive 2 hours to do it! Adams County: you suck.

Our Current Challenge of Raising a Freethinker

So, Scott and I are raising Mat and Tempe to be Freethinkers.  Yes, Scott and I are atheists...but no, we do not want to raise Mat and Tempe to be atheist.  We, at the very core, want our children to grow up and decide for themselves as to what they wish to believe or not believe.  We do not wish to indoctrinate them to one way of thinking, and that one way is the only correct choice.  We want to open them to all of the various types of religion, spirituality, science, mythos, etc.  We want to give them the critical thinking and comprehension skills necessary, but let them make that decision when they are ready.  Then, on top of that, to know that whatever their decision is we will love them.  This approach will also hopefully instill a level of acceptance and respect for people of all types regardless of their beliefs.  This concept is much more simple in thought than it is in execution.  Outside pressures are constantly on the kids.  It makes me sad because part of the outside pressures are bordering on bullying.

For example, within the past year or so we've let Mat start going to church with his grandparents.  We wanted to wait for him to go for when he started asking questions.  So now that he is curious and asks questions we've decided that he is old enough to let him go.  At one of their churches there is a little girl that goes to his school.  This little girl told him that she refuses to play with him or be his friend unless he goes to church all the time.  That's the most extreme example so far, but he is only in the first grade.  I hope this is the worst that will come, but I highly doubt it.  Mat is also a very sensitive child.  He wants people to be happy, he wants to make people proud.  He is very afraid of hurting someone's feelings by telling them something they do not want to hear.  So with that factor also in the mix, it's very difficult to keep his mind open and asking questions regardless of who he is around.

I have a feeling our challenges will be very different with Tempe.  Her personality is much stronger than Mat's.  She's a much more of a willful child.  She has no issue telling you "no", or expressing her own feelings and frustrations.  She's only 2, so we have a few years before things start to get more difficult.  Right now we'll just focus on ABC's and 123's.

To summarize, I'd just like my children to have the patience, freedom and allowance from society to let them come to their own conclusions.  To review the wealth of knowledge they have between books, respected people, the Internet and other media then come up with their own ideals and beliefs.  I will say that having gone to Reason Rally, and hearing Dale McGowan speak gave me encouragement that raising children in this way is not impossible.  It also made me realize that parents who are raising children to think freely are not alone.

A Very Good Idea

So this evening was an evening full of storms.  We had some dime size hail, and high winds.  Our house remained in contact, and our trash cans upright.  Some folks in the area were not so lucky.  There are reports of families and individuals losing their homes, and all their belongings.  Everything they had just destroyed in an instant.

This made me flashback to over a year ago...our really good friends had their home destroyed in the Tuscaloosa tornado.  We always think 'this will never happen to us'.  Yet, mother nature has other ideas.  Our friends had a 72 hour kit.  Despite the debris, they were able to grab their kit, and go someplace safe. This idea is one that I think -everyone- should enact on.

Scott and I are making lists for 72 hour kits.  We will have 3 of them this year.  One for Scott, one for me and Tempe, and one for Mat.  The kits will likely be backpacks.  But within them you have all the things you need for 72 hours.  You can have more in the kit of course, but at least enough for 72 hours.  Ideally, you will have things in it for if you need to live in a tent, or someplace without running water.

You never know when tragedy will strike, and when you need to keep your family and you safe.

How to explain 'fortunate' to a 6 year old

At the Grant household we live within our means, which isn't over the top, but we are spoiled.  Scott and I, along with Mat, each have a computer.  Scott has a 360 downstairs, while I have one upstairs.  (Of course this means that the kids each have one as we let them play on it!)  This fact along with vacations, and trips to zoos and museums...the kids have it pretty nice.  We don't go buying them everything they want, nor do we cave to their demands.  

That said, we've had to have several talks of late with Mat about how fortunate he is to have what he does have compared to other children.  We are trying to explain that there are kids who unlike him have never been to Disney (let alone multiple times), do not have a zoo membership, do not get to go once a month or so to COSI, and also, do not get to eat or snack whenever they want.  Some kids, we told him, have to work at his age!  Though no matter what we tell him, it doesn't sink in.  He fusses about wanting more Skylanders, or about having to go to school or do homework or that he wishes he had cooler things, etc, etc.  We realize this is probably due to us having alot of 'wants' in our house instead of 'needs', and that he hears at school how so and so has this or that...So anyway, Scott and I would love to show Mat that yes, we have nice things, and yes, we do lots of fun things.  BUT, we should be very happy about how fortunate we are, and thankful for what we do have.  We should not get upset at not getting something we want, nor should we be fussing over things like doing chores or doing homework (to the extent that he does).  

We're trying to find a nice foundation or charity that would allow Mat to tag along to events to show him these things.  We're also trying to find documentaries, that are decent for a 6 year old to watch that show him these things as well.  

Anyway, that is my long story that can really be shortened up by saying, "It's really difficult to demonstrate or to teach a 6 year old what 'fortunate' really means."

Respect for your own and others

So on Facebook I keep seeing posts from all walks of life. This is normal of course. The one thing that I have to speak up on is the utter lack of respect I see within the social media sites. It is one thing to be an activist, or someone who is passionate about what they believe in. It is another to be completely rude and disrespectful. I will admit that I have been guilty of this issue. Of late however, this issue has been running rampant. I will promise here and now that I will try to do better at respecting others and their beliefs, especially as it relates to responding to comments and what I RT. It is my hope too that others will be respectful as well. There is a fine line between offense and debating, and people need to learn this.

Heading Home from Vegas

I had a fantastic time in Vegas. Yesterday, we wrapped up with Craftsteak. Probably the best steak I had. But sorry, not $115 bucks good. $60 yea...but no more. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I went! But I don't think I'd go there again. Aside from that, Scott and I spent the morning walking the strip and enjoying each others company which was fantastic. It was really very nice being able to walk as a couple and not have jealous children attempting to steal you away. These past few days made me realize one more time how perfect Scott is, and how fortunate I am to have him. He truly is the love of my life:) Anyway I'll write more later, but I wanted to scribble something down.

Ode to Katrana

Well, I'm not really going to write an ode, but I want to write a blog post dedicated to my online persona...Katrana. Katrana was a character I created on The Final Challenge mud. A shaman actually. In my mind, she was powerful, smart, quirky, and could kill people who attempted to harm her. She was everything I thought I was not. Katrana quickly became my most favorite character on this text based game. My poor other characters fell by the wayside: neglected and abandoned. Katrana had friends, she had love interests. In playing her I escaped the hell known as middle and high school. In reality, I was a highly intelligent, booksmart, naive, awkward girl. I had a few close friends, but I always felt 'outside'. Within TFC, I thrived, I was not the most powerful, or the most knowledgeable. But people there knew me. I could talk to them without fear of ridicule or judgement...except for when we were role-playing, and hey that was allowed. Little did I realize...Katrana was me. For the most part, Katrana's personality, her phrases and quirks are my own. Now granted, I am not a goddess in real life, nor can I kill people with a single word. I also do not have a red aura, or weasels who worship me. But every now and then I wish I was her. People would ask, but wouldn't you miss Scott...my response? Well no, I married him there too! :)

Vegas Bound

Oh my own purpose for being in the airport!? To fly to Las Vegas. Why? For fun, for friends, for escape from everyday responsibilities.

Scott and I are meeting up with a group of friends in Vegas. These people have been my acquaintances and friends for over 15 years now. Whether or not they realize it, they've been there for me when others have not been. Just having a place to jump on and know that people there know 'me'. I say 'me' because to them, I'm not Jen, I'm Katrana. I'm some weirdo goddess who loves her cuddly weasel followers. She also happens to be 6 years old in the game right now as well. But hey, that's my 'other' self, I may need to give her props in her own post. Back to the purpose of this blog. These people, I met online...and not just online, but on a game. This also happens to be the same game I met Scott on. The Final Challenge mu happens to be one of the most important aspects of my life. Without it, I would not have the love of my life, or my children. It's incredible to think about, how one single decision can drive the direction of your life. For me? It was a text based game on the Internet.

All the little ants

As I sit here in the airport, watching people move about I think...All of these people have a place to be. They all move through the airport with a purpose. It truly is amazing to think about thought. I'm not sure that people often think about others in that manner. We tend to think of only ourselves and our tasks. To realize that the people in an airport are all working, or going to places. To sight see, to relax, to visit friends or loved ones, to travel home, to travel to work. Just amazing. We're all kind of like a HUGE colony of ants I suppose:)

Trying to Comprehend a Number

So today I was flipping through my Google Reader, like any other day, and an article jumped out at me. Like any other time I email myself the article and read it when I have a moment. The article was this. In reading it, I became fascinated by the number. So for a mouse to evolve into something as large as an elephant...it would take 24 million generations. My brain starts ticking, thinking about the meaning of this number, the logistics of having 24 million generations go by. I could not comprehend it. I cannot even start to imagine being able to trace a lineage that far back...But yet, wouldn't it be absolutely incredible to be able to? If something like that existed. Then I was thinking, wouldn't it be incredible for the human mind to grasp the sheer enormity of our entire universe, or even all of the stars that reside therein? Le sigh, something I would love to be able to comprehend, to even start to be able to imagine. Alas, my poor brain cannot begin to process that number and again, I am reminded of exactly what our existence means to the cosmos.

Jen's Q and A

So I've had some questions that I've had to answer over the past few years, and posting my thoughts publicly like this is going to cause people to ask them (some have already asked me), so I'll try to answer them as I can...Here goes:

What happened Jen? You were such a strong member of the church.: Well, as I said, I tried to be faithful, I tried so very hard to gain a testimony. I had what I thought were testimonies...but when I reflected on them, were nothing more than me -wanting- something else. My reflections that I had made me ask more questions, they made me want more answers. Those answers never came. It just let to me questioning more. I was never satisfied. I read the scriptures, prayed, paid my tithes. Yet, I felt nothing. With that said, it was all of my trying that then lead to my ultimate reflections. It's not that I don't want to believe. I really do, I want something more. I want to know that I'll be with Scott and Tempe and Mat forever and always. There is such a comfort in that...but I can't bring myself to be involved in something I do not ultimately believe in.

What about the kids? How will they be raised?: In the beginning, without anything. Religion, beliefs, those topics will not be discussed. That's not to say they won't see it when we go to others houses. But when they start asking, we'll start discussing at a high level. When they start asking more detailed questions, that's when we'll allow them to go to church with others and really start discussing religion, and beliefs. Mat is just now to the age where he is asking alot of questions. We're allowing him to go with his Nana and Papa to church. He knows that Mommy and Daddy don't believe in God, but Nana and Papa and his Yaya all do. Mat knows that no matter what he ends up believing in we will all love him. He also is reminded by us all that whatever question he has, he can ask us. Right now, he says 'I believe and don't believe', which is perfectly fine:)

What about people who believe what do you think of them?: Uhh, the same way I always thought of them. They are people, they are friends, they are relatives. I don't think of them in any more or any less of a light. The people I know are from all walks of life. I respect them and their beliefs, just as I hope they respect mine.

Anyway, as more questions come in I'll answer them:)

My Children and Their Inability to Sleep In

As I sit on the couch with Temperance, and catch myself slowly fading back and forth from a state of being awake and asleep...I wonder. Will these moments, these early days on the couch watching Little Einsteins be remembered by her? Or will they be just a fleeting moment, that is soon forgotten. Will she find these times of cuddling with mommy on the couch to be important enough to store it to her long term memory? Will Mat remember Scott or I dragging ourselves out of bed to go fix his computer so he can play his games? Chances are those moments, will not be remembered by the kids. They will instead be remembered by Scott and I. The question I then have, is when the kids are older, instead of being annoyed by this, will we miss it? Will we miss being needed by them? Will we miss being the person they wish to cuddle with while they watch their favorite show? My hypothesis is yes. As annoying as it is to be up at 6 when I could be sleeping in until 8 or 10...I've grown rather attached to these spawn of ours.

My Initial Post - From Questioning to Believer to Atheist

So I'm never good at keeping up with blogs. I had one for our family, but the content always ended up pointing to Facebook pictures or YouTube videos. Besides the family blog is not always the place to post my own musings. I wanted something, that when the right time came my son or daughter could go to see my own thoughts and reflections on my life.

This initial post has to do with something that has impacted mine and Scott's (my husband's) life significantly over the past few years. I am an atheist. Now before you go judging me, hear me out.

My entire life I've always been a good girl. I was naive, I was book smart, I always obeyed my parents. My mother traveled from church to church it seemed. She typically ended up in the Methodist sect more often then not. My father...he never really was the church going type. To this day, I'm not really sure what he believes. He would dodge and avoid answering my questions directly about his beliefs. But back to my mother. To this day, she loves Jesus Christ, and wanted my sister and I to look to Him for all things. Don't get me wrong, she was/is a great mother. She wanted us to grow up to be and do whatever we wanted. She was accepting of whatever we decided to do, so long as it was an educated decision. She is very accepting of my thoughts on life and the decisions I have made. But she did not raise me to be completely free-thinking in the aspect of religion. I definitely believe that she laid the foundations. But it was up to me to make that final step. I remember her telling me to read and find answers, but when asking her questions about God, it was always 'this is how we believe.' Never 'this is what I believe'. When I think about it, I probably have always been an atheist, but never had the esteem to say. 'WORLD, THIS IS WHAT I THINK IS CORRECT.' I always questioned those around me, my Sunday school teachers. 'Well, God is suppost to be nice right? Why did he go and kill everyone?' 'So if God knows everything, why put his 'faithful' through so much torment?' 'If God created us, who created Him?' I always knew there was more out there, something bigger than God. I just never knew what 'that' was.

When my mother and father divorced, I stayed with my father. The church goings stopped, and I was essentially some heathen that didn't even think of religion, and God. It wasn't part of my life, I didn't miss it. I didn't feel like something -was- missing. I just lived my life. Then I met my beloved...Scott.

Scott was LDS. I was (and still am) infatuated with him. Blinded by my love for him, I'd believe whatever he told me to pretty much. (Disclaimer: The pretty much is...if he asked me to follow him into some faith again...we'd have to talk:) ) So I took the discussions, and believed them as he did. Something in the back of my head told me it was the emotions and the chemical reactions occurring, but I disregarded my own logic. Pushed it to the side and followed my love. We were outstanding members, paid our 10%, prayed, attended church, held callings, got sealed...all the things good members do. Yet, through all of that, something was not right.

Scott and I started not attending church. The church leaders called us in and threw Pascal's Wager at us. We bought it once, then...it was told to us again. This time, something hit. While it sounds nice...something just wasn't right. The wager is nice, I mean what does one have to lose? You get fellowship...yet I can get fellowship through other avenues. You get a friendly environment for your children...yet I can get that through other means. You get access to the higher levels of Heaven....huh?! Let's back that car back up. At this point, the logic center of my mind kicks in. 'Jen, you are a rational thinker. You're not emotional, and even your family has told you that. So let's think about this whole religion thing with reason.' That's when it happened. My brain flicks through all of my 25 years of books, schooling, classes, logic and debates. In that hour of reflection I opened myself up to a whole new world. I knew...I just knew that I lived all those years of believing and telling others I believed...it was all a lie. For not being emotional, this was a roller-coaster. I was upset, I was angry, I was sad, I was happy, I was free, I was...I was me. I was/am an individual who will orbit this pale blue dot for my time. I will be forgotten as time progresses. My being, my individuality, myself will disappear with the breath that leaves me. Our children, mine and Scott's offspring will need to carry on our legacy. They will need to remember us. If they don't only our genetics will live on (assuming they procreate). Until one day, the world is no more. Woah, overload. I am nothing but a small speck on a pale blue dot in the vastness of the universe. Then it hit me...what do I do? I have these thoughts, these amazing thoughts. Yet, would it hurt those that I love? Would it impact my own relationships because I no longer believe as they did? Little did I know, Scott was having the same journey I was. We discussed it and chatted about it. He was much more willing to rock the boat with his new found discoveries. Me? I just wanted to be accepted and respected regardless of my beliefs. After a year of transitioning folks to the idea that Scott and I no longer believed, and having different thoughts than they, I can admit that the journey was difficult. We had relationships tested, others strengthened, and others...well dissolved. This specific journey has taught me more about hypocrites, acceptance, and respect than I ever imagined.

In the end. I'm happier than I ever have been. For the first time, I feel free. I feel honest. I feel...like me.