Learning by Argument: More thoughts on raising a freethinker

I read an article earlier this week called "No Debate: Kids Can Learn By Arguing". It was a good read and I have some thoughts of it from a few different points of view; first as that of a parent of a mini-debater named Matrim and second from that of a kid who loved to debate. First though, some information from the article, where a teacher takes kids who have never been introduced to debating and puts them into twice-a-week philosophy courses with 4 yearly debates, teaching the kids about how to gather evidence and support their claims.

At first, as each new topic was introduced, the researchers were startled: the youngsters were clueless about complexity. (“Prisoners, not animals, should be used in medical research because prisoners are guilty and animals are innocent!”) And early in the experiment, the kids showed no interest in the written questions and answers offered by their coaches. By the end of year two, though, they had developed a thirst for evidence.

This is great, because it's exactly the kind of thinking I can see Mat doing. I mean, it's black and white, right? If someone is in jail, they are guilty, if they are guilty they are bad, if they are bad then they should be subject to whatever we want to do to them. And when exactly would that world-view get challenged? Quite possibly not until he's old enough that it would be very difficult to change his mind. Next, another group of kids took the same classes but using a traditional textbook and writing a lot more essays, with no debating. Then the children all had a final essay. The results were surprising (to me):

Hands down, the winners were the students in the experimental group — even though they’d had much less practice writing. By the end of year one, researchers found, two-thirds of the students in that group were considering and addressing opposing arguments in their written essays—a skill demonstrated by only 38 percent of the students in the comparison group. By the end of the third year, nearly 80 percent of the students in the experimental group were writing essays that identified and weighed opposing views in an argument. Less than 30 percent of the students in the comparison group were doing so.

This is one aspect of essay writing I was always praised for in school. I always, always, always tried to think of good arguments against what I was writing for and include them in my paper. I'm not even sure where I got the practice from, but it served me well. Even on things I thought I had a strong opinion on, just taking that small step and realizing, "Wait, people disagree with this and the reasons actually make sense..." was enough to make me reevaluate my own stance. Sometimes I would change my own mind, sometimes my belief would be even stronger. What mattered, though, was that I wasn't just relying on an answer from authority and saying 'So there!'. I wonder if I do that too much with Mat though - he will ask a question and, depending on my mood, I will say "Let's go look it up!" or just say "This is the answer and that's how it is, stop asking questions about it!".

If we don't encourage our kids to challenge their world-views, if we don't challenge our own even as adults, then we are doing a disservice to them and ourselves. I want to help Mat have empathy, to think of other people and how they view situations. I want Mat to stop and think about opposing viewpoints when he's challenged on something rather than getting defensive and taking a dogmatic stance. Debate is an excellent way to do this, but it's not something you often find at schools these days.

At Camp Quest last year, the first year I volunteered, I had the pleasure of watching one of the activities which was a debate about all sorts of different topics (depending on age group). It was refreshing to see the way that the kids would take the topics, some of which are near and dear, and attempt to objectively view them. And you could see the pride and pleasure when they took the time to consider opposing arguments and, in a few cases, handily disarm them.

I plan on trying to engage Mat in more open-ended conversations and discussions. If there's a black and white answer (How long does it take light from the Sun to reach our planet?) I can give it to him and we can talk about how they know that, like normal, but if it's another question, (Why do they kill animals at shelters? [he asked me that a week or two ago and I brushed it off, not wanting to get into that with him since he loves animals so much]) why not encourage him to think about it from multiple angles and let him know that many people have different opinions on it and that's okay, and it's okay to form his own? We tell him he can all the time, but we don't actually actively help him do so.

I would say I'll report back in a week and let you know how it goes, but let's be realistic? Maybe I'll mention it in another post one day though!

Scrapbooking the geek way

So in being a true geek mom, I love my tech.  I have an Android phone, a work laptop, a gaming desktop, a personal net book, my own 360 (yes Scott has his own too)...I do not however like to do the whole make things yourself stuff.  I suppose I can elaborate on the 'stuff' definition.  I do not do photo album creation, scrapbooks, or the arts and craft type things.  I just don't have the patience it takes to cut out the cute little pictures and make a book or to follow through with those types of projects.  It's not that I don't want to do something like that, I just always have things I'd rather be doing.  (Like playing video games.)  With that said, I read a recent editorial that made me not feel as bad!  (Yes, I am one of those that late at night I'll lay there and think...did I really spend 3 hours doing nothing but playing a video game...I could have done something else, like learn underwater basket weaving or making a scrapbook!)

After reading the article I realized, I DO scrapbook.  It just happens to be tech style.  So thank you Facebook for proving me a geek way to scrapbook for my kids and my family AND a place to stay in touch with all my friends, family, and acquaintances.

Creation in the eyes of a 6 year old

Scott and I recently bought an excellent book of creation myths.  This book covers myths from around the world.  Asian, European, Native American myths are within the book, along with the Christianity.  In this book, all are equal.  (For other freethinking parents, this is a fantastic book for introducing creation stories.)
This was a resource that was shared to us by Dale McGowan when we were in attendance at Reason Rally.  I have to admit, I enjoy the book very much and it is fantastic to read with children who are hungry for creation stories.  We have found that our oldest son loves the stories and finds them very interesting.

This book has allowed Mat to see how people from all around the world and from different eras believed the world was created.  When we ask Mat, he doesn't know what he believes.  That thought is perfectly fine.  We like that he is able to admit that he just doesn't know.  He is very curious and wants to learn more and then make his decision.  (Yay, so we're doing something right!)  That aside, Mat did a curious thing.  Mat created his very own creation story.  He was very elaborate in his telling of the story, hand gestures and all.

In Mat's words:
"It's called the seven evolutions.  This is how it starts.  One day, just seven evolutions were made.  And then the first one, it was life, second wind and lightning, third was the brain (the brain is the smartest), the fourth was the colorer (he colors the stuff in), the fifth one is water, the sixth is the season, the last was death.  First the brain created the world.  Then life made it all come to life.  Then the colorer colored it in.  Then death made the death, like he makes things die.  So death is a good guy, he makes things die when they are suppost to die.  He takes them to the land of death.  The land of death is a good place, but you are not a person, you fly around and have some fun.  The water made the sea and the rain.  Then the wind and lightning made storms by combining together.  Seasons made winter, fall, summer and spring.

One day a new evolution was born.  It was called the season changer.  It was the eighth evolution.  He put the seasons in order.  He made the seasons what they are today.

So that's how the world was made, according to me."

When Good Discussions Go Bad

So ever have a really amazing discussion happening?  Every person involved keeps it respectful, and says 'what if' and never points to a specific person, or entity.  The discussion is kept general enough and focused enough that despite being a sensitive topic, no one feels persecuted or picked on or offended.  Then someone goes on a complete derailing rampage not really related to the topic at hand.

Ever had that happen?  Yea, it sucks.

I could not have been more proud

Last week I read an article discussing a study how kids view race. After reading this Scott and I of course naturally wondered what Mat would do or say in a test such as that.  This discussion was in the car ride home one day.  Well naturally we talked about things and forgot about it til today.

Today we pick up Mat from his Nana's house.  We got in the car and were driving home.  We were talking about how people all over the world are different colors and from different cultures.  This topic then lead to us discussing how people are treated because of the color of their skin or the culture in which they were raised.  He then turns to Scott, and says, 'Always remember!  It doesn't matter what's on the outside, it matters what's in the inside.  Mommy, Daddy, always remember that.'  Then he goes into this big lengthy discussion about how if one person isn't a pretty or well dressed they could still be very nice and interesting.  He discussed in such a way that was so matter of fact, that it made me proud.  He just could not fathom why people would be mean to someone because they look or act different.

If only all of us could learn from the six year old with the toothless grin...

“To lie or not to lie to my child” A thought about raising Freethinkers.

With the Easter Bunny stories hopping about in schools currently, I started thinking…what do Scott and I do about this?  “This” being reinforcing that stories are true, that we know are not true. 

A brief story:

Before I…gave into my rational side, Scott and I did the whole Santa and Easter Bunny thing.  We wanted Mat to believe in the stories.  We did bells on the rooftop, we did Easter baskets on the floor, we ate the cookies meant for Santa, we left eggs throughout the yard…Then Mat came to us and said, ‘But Mommy, you said magic isn’t real and monsters aren’t real…so that means the tooth fairy and Santa aren’t real either because they’re magic.’  He was 3, almost 4.  We were crushed.  A 3 year old just rationalized out that those characters were not real.  Scott and I gave in and admitted that he was correct.  We had outside pressures telling us to not do that, to do MORE to keep him believing, to convince him otherwise.  We couldn’t do it.  To this day, if he asks us, we tell him the truth.  That said, to this day he wavers from time to time in what believes.  I feel the wavering is natural.  It could be peer pressure, or his little mind rationalizing everything he's been told.  Most of the time, he believes they are not real.  If he says they are real, we choose not to tell him no.  We ask him why he thinks that way, and we respect those thoughts.  We do not tell him he was wrong, but instead nod and ask him to think about it.  Sometimes he does, other times he runs off to play.

With Tempe, we will not do the bells, we will not do the cookies…this is a decision Scott and I have made.  Personally, we feel that we should not lie to our children to make them believe in a story.  People may think that our children will miss out on the joys of having an ‘Easter Bunny’ visit their house.  To that I say that those parents will miss out on the joy and love your children give YOU when you present them those gifts.  Also, why should we enhance life with false beliefs when there is so much to life as it is?  I love the story behind these fictional characters, and feel that children need to learn to give to others.  But to me, there are so many other ways for children to learn to give, than to toss them a story of an imaginary character in which you force them to believe.  Stories regarding moral principles are just stories.  Actions real people take are those that make a legacy.  So on Christmas, we will read of Santa and tell them of the Christmas beliefs around the world.  We will exchange gifts…but those gifts will be from us to each other.  We will do this with our children, and hope that when they get married they find their own way to celebrate their life with their loved ones in a way that is special to them.     

"We're going to Grandma's for Easter Sunday, what are you doing!?" More Challenges in Raising Freethinkers

So this upcoming Sunday happens to be Easter Sunday for most religious folks.  For the Grant household...it is just another day.  Or is it?  Scott and I realized that this holiday will be celebrated by not just Mat's grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, but by most of the people at his school.  So Easter bunny this, and Passover that...how do we as his parents get the idea within him, that those are some of many things that occur around this date?  Along with the idea, that he does not have to participate in those ideas or beliefs if he does not want to do so.  (Though he will, because what kid doesn't like the idea of a big bunny.)  Enter a conversation that Scott and I had with other parents at Reason Rally about creationism stories. 

Essentially the conversation revolved around introducing several ideas together, not leaning on one primary focus.  So when introducing creation stories, introduce several culture's beliefs at the same time.  This approach will be the one we take this Sunday.  My mother wished for 'her little family' (as she calls us) to get together.  This is more than fine, but it is also of the habit to get together at Easter.  So we informed her, that we do not wish to call the get together an 'Easter Celebration', but would prefer to call it a family gathering. 

At the gathering, I know my mom (who is religious, but respects how we are raising Mat and Tempe) would probably appreciate a nod to her beliefs.  What we will attempt to do is to explain various cultures beliefs of 'Easter' around the world.  We will explain Easter from the Christian sense, and how it is celebrating the resurrection of Christ, along with the Jewish Passover.  We will mention that the word, Easter, has Anglo-Saxon paganism roots referring to a goddess.  She was goddess of the dawn, and those worshiping her held feasts in her honor during the month of April. We'll discuss the Western theme of the Easter Bunny and egg decoration, that the egg is widely used as a symbol of the start of new life, just as new life emerges from an egg.  There are several other cultural events that occur around this time of year, so we will probably pick a few more as well to discuss over lunch/dinner.    

They (my mom and sister) wish to give Mat and Tempe gifts (as the standard basket and bunny celebration happens.)  I asked that they don't say the 'Easter bunny' got them, but instead say they wanted to give them something.  (This to me means so much more than receiving gifts from a fictional character.)  My mom is taking this opportunity to be creative in how she presents them gifts, and will be requiring the kids to complete a 'treasure hunt' for location of the gifts.  I thought that was a great idea!  She'll give them clues that they have to rationalize and figure out in order to obtain their gift.  

Again to us, we just want Mat and Tempe to make a choice as to what he believes.  We don't want to deprive either one of them of anything.